Fifty Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
by Addicted2Emmett
Summary: Fifty things that aren't permitted at Hogwarts! Very funny! Oneshot


I'm not a big fan of "copy and past this into your profile" type stuff, but I saw the FUNNIEST one the other day! I didn't want to put it in my profile, but I got the brilliant idea of posting it as this little piece! It's just a bunch of random things that I could totally see myself doing, but "I'm not allowed". My personal favorites are numbers 6, 9, 24, 26, and 31. Some are original, others are not. If nothing else, I hope they make you laugh!

Fifty Things I'm Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick.

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms".

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus's "time of the month".

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force".

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work".

14) I will not you my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug a Slytherin Day".

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

21) I will not use the phrase, "Get a Life" when talking to Voldemort.

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full".

25) Hermione Granger is the only person that has the privilege of setting killer canaries on whomever she chooses.

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I apparate.

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways, not even on Halloween.

28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colors indicate that they're "covered in bee's".

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

30) I will not go to class wearing "invisible robes".

31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "Told you I was hardcore!".

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm, not even if they are in Slytherin.

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.

35) I will not call the Weasley or Patil twins "bookends".

36) I do not have an Edward Cullen Patronous.

37) I will not lick Trevor.

38) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled "Firewhiskey".

39) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

40) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously.

41) Apparently, flying carpets are illegal.

42) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.

43) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

44) Harry "isn't the only one with utter disregard for the rules".

45) There are certain ways to save someone's life that are "completely unacceptable".

46) It's impolite to take the liberty of registering Flitwick as a legal midget.

47) Following in the footsteps of the Weasley twins does not qualify as a special service to the school.

48) I will not ask Ginny if I can pick up the slack while Harry's away finding horcruxes.

49) I will stop asking Flitwick how the supposed smartest students in the school are dumb enough to believe that Ravens have claws.

50) "Fake-o Malfoy" is not an endearing nickname.

Author's Notes:

Did you like them? Please review – tell me your favorites!


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